Porcine interlopers, generically referred to as javelinas, have invaded the pristine fairways, leaving a path of destruction as they go along. Regrettably, attempts to reason with the creatures about the merits of taking proper iron selection have gone unrewarded. Considering their proficiency with a sand wedge non-existent, their putting game could generously be described as chaotic.
Pete Bogey, a frequent golfer on the terrorized course, described the invaders' etiquette as utterly lacking. 'Their divot repair is terrible, and don't get me started on their non-existent rake skills in the bunker,' lamented Bogey. 'And I swear one of them snorted at me when I asked him to quiet it down during my backswing.'
In an attempt to divert the gallivanting golfers, groundskeepers have resorted to unconventional means - ranging from playing Kenny G's music at a high volume to placing strategically stuffed coyote decoys-clad in golfing attire, around the tee boxes. However, these efforts respectively either lulled the javelinas into a blissful sleep or seemed to encourage a few potential interspecies fourballs.
In response to the unusual predicament, Casey Mulligan, course superintendent said, 'We tried a low voltage electric fence, but they just used it to practice their long drives. I think one of them scored a bogey, which is better than most of our club membership.'
As local golfers lament their overrun course, the Texas Wildlife Service has recommended eliminating food sources to make the animals hunt elsewhere. But as one anonymous source revealed, 'Apart from clearing the course of cacti, would it be totally unreasonable to suggest a basic dress code? This might discourage these rude animals.'
While the exact solution remains unclear, one thing is for certain: golf doesn't seem to be quite the gentleman's game anymore—not with these new, rowdy players in town.
Based on: Hungry javelinas plague prestigious Arizona golf course with oversized divots