26:45:1. That's not some secret access code, but rather the applaud-o-meter reading at the Horse Coddlers of America's Got Talent - an unexpected show designed to determine the fate of the wild horses currently residing in North Dakota's Theodore Roosevelt National Park. On an unconventional stage set up against the dusty backdrop of the Badlands, horses nationwide rallied to show us they're much more than mere quadrupeds.
In what some are dubbing 'the first interspecies talent competition in the history of mankind', wild horses from all over the national park vied to display their extraordinary talents to a panel of astounded judges. A crowd of awestruck wildlife enthusiasts, biologists, horse whisperers and even reluctant park superintendents looked on, scribbling their notes and regularly picking their jaws off the rough terrain.
An unexpected hotbed of midwestern horse talent, the park has given us thoroughbreds who can execute the cha-cha better than most Dancing With the Stars participants, and mares who moonwalked so superbly it left Michael Jackson fans teary-eyed. This wildly unconventional event was organized by 'Horses in History', a noted equestrian society, in a hilariously sincere effort to demonstrate the talents of these wild horses and, in turn, their value to the park.
'Honestly, it felt like a cross between a rodeo and a Las Vegas revue, but somehow it worked' said Ralph Glitterhoof, the lead performer and unexpected stand-up comedian of the Equine Extravaganza. 'I've never seen a crowd so fixated on a horse making balloon animals. I think we really nailed it tonight. Neighed it, if you will.'
Cynthia Canterlot, renowned equine stunt coordinator chimed in, 'We've always known about their talents, but this - it's beyond our wildest dreams. Each one is a veritable Seabiscuit-cum-Beyoncé. It's clear we need to re-think our definition of horsepower.'
As for the thousand-strong audience who attended this equine showdown, the vote was unanimous in favor of the horses staying. Excited murmurs of 'bravo', 'encore', and 'give them their own Vegas residency' echoed in the cool North Dakota night air. The Horses Have Talent event might have started out as satire but seems to have turned into an honest-to-goodness celebration of these wild wonders.
'Horses aren't just meant for galloping, and they've proven it tonight', said Samuel Haybale, a lifelong horse enthusiast and unofficial Horse Whisperer. 'Frankly, the only way you should be removing these horses is if they've signed a contract with Hollywood.'
Stay turned for further developments on whether the uproarious success of Horse Coddlers of America's Got Talent has assured these talented equine stars a permanent home in Theodore Roosevelt National Park.
Based on: Public to weigh in on whether wild horses that roam Theodore Roosevelt National Park should stay