Scientists from the Historic Influencer Reconstruction Department have pieced together the unconventional yet glamour-filled life of world's most ancient lifestyle influencer, officially classified as 'Homo Influencer Erectus'. Revealing findings of this prehistoric high-table society, the study opens up a startlingly detailed window into the caveman's influencer game.
Body
The Paleo Diet 101: Using cutting-edge imaging, scientists have cracked the code of Homo Erectus' tooth enamel. These dental divulgences suggest diets rich in handpicked, organic, gluten-free plants and locally sourced, free-roaming woolly mammoth meat - the Paleo diet at its finest. It appears that Farm-to-Mouth was not a trend but a way of life.
Cave Décor Love: Anthropologists from the team confirmed that the Homo Erectus was heavily into home décor. Evidence suggests tastefully adorned caves, featuring bespoke wall art (now known as 'cave paintings') and luxury stone furniture, a clear indication of primitive interior design aesthetics.
Prehistoric Bling: Impressions of teeth on soft metallic rocks suggest a penchant for dental ornamentation. Dr. Lisa Mulligan, Head of the Anthropology Unit, stated, 'We believe our Homo Influencer loved a good grill. This could revolutionize our understanding of prehistoric accessorizing.'
Fitness d'Antiquité: The superior stature and muscular build of Homo Erectus indicate a preternatural commitment to fitness. Perhaps the first to implement CrossFlint Training or Rock Yoga, this influential Homo Erectus made working out seem effortless.
fomo erectus: Subtle traces of increased toe impressions on common paths suggest a follow-the-leader trend among Homo Erectus. Leading Palaeo-Influencer Specialist, Prof. Mike Granite suggests, 'This could point to an early form of 'fear of missing out' or, in this context, 'fomo erectus'.
Conclusion
This ground-breaking expose of the prehistoric high life redefines our understanding of early Homo social trends and gives insights into how our ancestral influencers shaped cultural norms millions of years ago.
Fabricated Sources
Transitional Tooth Traces, Stone Age Aesthetics, Digital Journal of Dental Disclosures, Paleo Fitness Annual, World Journal of Ancient Interior Design, Journal of Cave Art Trends, and The Anthropologist's Guide to Influencer Evolution.
Based on: Two Million Years Ago, This Homo Erectus Lived the High Life