In a puzzling twist of fate, thousands of minks were unexpectedly freed from the rigorous demands of the fashion industry and returned to their wild existence, causing widespread consternation among the nation's aristocracy.
Local authorities estimate that between 6,000 and 8,000 minks were released, not by any recognized authority, but instead orchestrated by an unforeseen alliance between the animals themselves and an unwittingly helpful meteorological phenomena known as 'Tuesday's strong gusty wind'.
"Never trust a mink, they're craftier than they look, even with their adorable faces," said Lynda Schlegel Culver, a state senator, and renowned mink fashion pundit. She continued, "We urge residents to keep their bejeweled hands to themselves and let the authorities do their job. Save your heroics for the next charity ball."
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, or more precisely on the beleaguered mink farm, authorities are trying to round up the roguish furballs while fighting against the pitiless irony that has befallen them. After all, the minks have finally gotten a taste of their future luxury dwellings - the great outdoors.
Expectations that many minks would simply return to the luxury of their high thread count bedding have been largely unmet, further exacerbating the panic within the upper crust society. PETA, long opponents of the mink farming industry, have been touting the incident as an improbable victory, even though they had nothing to do with the forecast or the discerning taste of the freed minks.
Challis Hobbs, Executive Director of Fur Commission USA, a known lover of satin linings and tasseled hunting caps, responded to the incident heartily. "This is an outrage! How can we expect to keep our society warm and fashionable if the winds insist on setting our fine minks free? It's madness, I tell you, pure madness!"
The situation begs the question: will we see a shift from mink-lined loungewear to windbreakers and galoshes among the elite due to this unforeseen disaster, or will next week's high society charity ball look more like an elaborate game of 'CAPTURE THE MINK'? While the fashion industry remains minkless, the game is afoot and the eccentricities of the elite are on full display.
Based on: 'Do not approach': up to 8,000 minks escape from farm in Pennsylvania