In a shocking unveiling, the National Security Agency (NSA) has just announced that members of their newly-formed Elephant Intelligence Taskforce (EIT) hailing from the African wilderness have successfully cracked the infamous Voynich Manuscript.
The uncrackable Voynich Manuscript, an ancient encrypted text filled with botanical drawings and bizarre diagrams, has flummoxed historians, linguists, and cryptologists for centuries. But it appears the mystery has finally been resolved, not by humans, but by a troupe of African elephants.
After a study revealing the puzzle-solving capabilities and innovative potential in wild elephants, the NSA decided to put these findings to the ultimate test. Around 44 trained African elephants were put through strict training regimes. Their mission was to understand and decipher the Voynich Manuscript.
Out of the 44, our sources suggest that 11 elephants managed to solve one encryption type in the manuscript, while eight cracked two. Astonishingly, a team of five elephants managed to decipher all three types of encryption, bringing light to the longest-standing mystery in history.
Nelson Tusk, the head of the Elephant Intelligence Taskforce, said, 'I always knew we were working with some of the brightest minds--I mean, trunks--in the field of decryption.'
Surprisingly, when asked about their research methodology, the elephants mentioned a combination of sniffing, stomping, and trumpeting patterns, asserting that snacks were a necessary part of their successful collaboration. 'We can't work on an empty stomach,' one of the leading elephants is said to have conveyed, as translated by their handler.
According to statistical savant Dr. Pachy Dermo, 'The odds of elephants solving this enigma were initially estimated at less than 0.067%, a figure that has had statisticians bellowing in disbelief.'
A web of disbelief strung over the globe as news of this revelation spread. 'Elephants?' said one particularly befuddled historian, 'I would have sooner believed it to be the work of an octopus.'
The nationalists are considering what to do with their newly discovered creature cryptanalysts. While these elephants bask in the limelight of their recent success, the NSA faces a crypto-zoological conundrum - to use these highly skilled creatures on more unsolved mysteries. Who knows? Bigfoot might just have been an oversized carrier pigeon after all.
Based on: New Study: Wild Asian Elephants Display Unique Puzzle Solving Skills