Prehistoric Beauty Routine Unearthed: Dinosaur was Early Adopter of Intensive Skin Care, Scientists Reveal
In what could potentially rewrite the annals of cosmetic history, an intrepid team of scientists may have just uncovered the world's oldest skin care enthusiast. A new breakthrough paleontological discovery suggests that the Edmontosaurus, a hitherto humble dinosaur species, may have had a penchant for self-pampering that rivalled any modern day influencer.
The groundbreaking discovery was made in the tranquil plains of Montana, where scientists have found fossils showing traces of aloe and shea butter on the dinosaur's skin. 'We never expected to find a dinosaur with a better skin care routine than most people today', quips Dr. Bella Cera, Chief Paleontologist at the Larry Murphy Center for Dino-dermatology. 'It polarizes everything we've ever known about their lifestyle. Next thing you know, we'd be discovering traces of turmeric masks and matcha scrubs.'
Alan Detrich, the fortuitouus discoverer the fossil, mused on the revelation. 'When I first found the fossil, it was remarkable how preserved it was. But noting the dinosaur would have been 35 feet long, I didn't think 'beauty guru,' he bewailed. 'I mean, where would she even have gotten the skin care products? Sephorassic Park?'
Local rancher, Jeb Stuart, owner of the field where the discovery was made, couldn't contain his surprise. 'Always knew there was somethin' different 'bout that part o' the field. Cows refused to graze there, said it smelled like a Lush store.'
This discovery has left the science community buzzing with a variety of theories on the dinosaur's possible use of aloe and shea butter. Whilst some dismissed it as a geological fluke, others are imagining a new Prehistoric Age timeline peppered with spa days and influencer collaborations.
'Who knows, maybe we'll unearth an ancient animal influencer contract next,' jested Dr. Bella. 'It wouldn't surprise me to find this Edmontosaurus had a million followers on DinoGram. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go update my skin care regimen.'
Based on: Dinosaur With Fossilized Skin Discovered in Montana