Portland resident Harold Stamatis, 38, has all but ended political divisions in the United States of America. Through a contemplative series of Facebook po(o)sts, carried out during his regularly scheduled bowel movements, Stamatis demonstrated the power of pointing out the obvious while everyone was left holding their noses.
The unassuming hero started his unceremonious crusade six months ago, when he, inhabited by a spirit of altruism (or a particularly indigestible burrito), began to post political insights while attending to his morning duty. His observations, usually accompanied by a humorous but factual GIF, came to him as he saw the world through the filter of his morning constitutional.
'You can't argue with the truth staring you in the face, unless you're a real crappy kind of person', Stamatis explains in an exclusive interview with The Raccoon Tour. 'When you're in the bathroom, things become simple, clear. Politics should be the same.'
While it started as an early morning amusement for Stamatis, his posts started gaining traction when his astute observations such as 'You don't have to be a genius to realize we need better gun control like we need good toilet paper' and 'Our economy is more constipated than my bowels after a cheese binge' began to resonate with the public at large. His posts have united politicians across the aisle, overcoming the conventional political barrier that's divided the legislative office like a bathroom stall.
House Speaker Pauline Wexler confirmed, 'Never before has the act of defecation been so politically enlightening. Mr. Stamatis needs to be applauded for not only tackling the obvious issues through his poignant posts, but also for revolutionizing the way we intake political commentary.
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Stamatis remains equally unpretentious about his hard-won wisdom. 'Well you know, a wise man doesn't release everything he knows all at once, just like... well, you know,'
he grins.
Harold Stamatis' bathroom doors might be closed, but it's clear his Facebook page is open for business.