Dear Exhausted Friends at NASA,
How you manage to remain tolerant and patient with the unending barrage of wild theories, inadvertent lens flares promulgated as UFOs and firm belief in extraterrestrial beings by a portion of the public is nothing short of heroism. The recent appointment of Mark McInerney as your Director of UAP Research, indeed, proves the length to which you all go to maintain order in our cosmic picture. Dutifully sifting through oceans of blurry photos and videos of objects that are often, let's be frank, weather balloons.
You should have seen the look on my Aunt Ethel's face when you undertook UAP Research, 'See, Benny! They're finally taking us seriously!' she said. I couldn't help but chuckle. Ethel, incidentally, once mistook our neighbor's drone for an alien spacecraft, but I digress.
No entity has faced more public scrutiny, and yet, shown more refulgent resilience than NASA. Nothing seems to placate the conspiracy theorists; they are the children who, having been given everything they wanted, still find fault with the toys they possess. As the old adage goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't force it to take a decent picture of a UFO.
So, the existence of aliens? To your ardent fans, it's a Catch-22. Ringside tickets to intergalactic warfare or the actual discovery of extraterrestrial beings would whirl them into an assertive denial. 'They're hiding the real aliens,' they'd say, their voices dripping with conspiracy. Yet, when NASA claims a determined absence of 'little green men', the outrage is equally palpable. 'They're covering up!', howls the same crowd.
All the while, NASA, you toil away, enduring abuse and threats, akin to the beleaguered janitor tirelessly attempting to keep the celestial high school free of rubbish. Despite the endless merry-go-round of disbelief and incredulity, you stand firm, pledging your budget and resources to soon-to-be-misunderstood research and scientific exploration. Space, it seems, isn't the final frontier; your dogged patience is.
In conclusion, this isn't sarcasm, but an earnest appreciation for the titanic efforts that NASA puts in juggling real science and the persistently relentless UFO conspiracy theorists. It seems there may be a need for a new project – understanding the alien nature of these theorists.
Much love and extraterrestrial intrigue,
Benny (and Aunt Ethel)
Based on: NASA appoints new head of UFO research