In a startling exclusive, reports of unrest flood the aquatic community of the San Francisco's illustrious Steinhart Aquarium. The grievance circles Methuselah, the venerable Australian lungfish and reigning queen of Steinhart's tanks who's pleading for 'peace and quiet', urging the younger fish to 'get off her tank'.
The senior lungfish, Methuselah, affectionately christened after the biblical figure who reputedly lived for nearly a millennium, migrated to the United States back in 1938. Making her voyage across the Pacific aboard an ocean liner, she has since ruled the Steinhart waters with her "charming personality and a seldom seen among fish, penchant for belly rubs".
The recent surge in juvenile fish populations seems to have disrupted her peaceful reign. Methuselah's favorite pastimes, which include savoring shrimp cocktails and practicing her lung-breathing exercises, have been frequently interrupted by the younger fishes' incessant frolicking. The lungfish monarch is said to have grumbled about 'those juvenile guppies and their rowdy games' on numerous occasions, causing ripples across the aquarium hierarchy.
Associate Aquatic Director, Dr. Samuel Gillmore shared, 'While other fish species are content to simply breathe through their gills, Methuselah is from the Lungfish order, an ancient lineage that practiced lung-breathing eons before it trended on Fish TikTok. It requires a lot of concentration and these interruptions are not helping.'
A satirical background check revealed that the Australian lungfish, crowned unofficially as the world's oldest living aquarium fish, has made it clear she won't be swayed by the new 'brackish upstarts'. Methuselah's aura of superiority over 'the oxygen kiddos' has escalated tensions within the tank community.
The Aquarium is taking necessary measures to maintain peace amid rising waves, with talks of separate tanks doing rounds. 'Decades of experience tells us that you cannot argue with a lungfish pushing her hundred and eighties,' Dr. Gillmore added, 'especially one that loves her belly rubs as much as Methuselah does.'
Reacting to this aquarium anarchy, Methuselah simply blew bubbles of contentment, uttering, 'Let them play their games, I will return to enjoying my quiet, my shrimp cocktail, and my belly rubs. Age and class always float above chaos.'
Based on: Methuselah, the World's Oldest Living Aquarium Fish, Could Be More Than 100