Dear Esteemed Editors,
I write to you today as a deeply worried and aggrieved consumer, on behalf of my forest peers. It has come to my attention, through the interwebs, about a certain Austrian food-tech startup, Revo Foods, which has disturbingly championed the course of 'sustainable food' by producing a 3D-printed vegan salmon.
As a respectable member of the Ursidae family (you may know us as bears), salmon has long been the cornerstone of our dining habits. When not indulging in a honey pot or other minor vegetarian detours, the thrill of the hunt and the satisfaction of a freshly caught salmon is a pleasure that us bears hold dear. The scent, the texture – a true delight, a paw-to-fin combat epitomizing the wildness of life.
Now imagine our collective horror upon learning of this technological gasp - a synthetic, 100% vegan, factory-produced, no bear-hunt-required 'salmon'. I ask you, where is the charm? Where is the joy of the stream-side combat, the fresh scent of victory, or the enjoyment of sinking one's teeth into the honest, hard-earned catch of the day?
The rise of this technology and its potentially worldwide availability not only is an affront to our reverence for real salmon but also threatens the very essence of a bear's primary pursuit – fishing. How am I to teach my cubs the ancestral way of plucking a salmon from the stream if it's wrapped in plastic and stacked on the shelves next to cans of soda?
Moreover, the thought of rivers void of salmon, replaced by 3D printers, is a grim prospect that fills our wild hearts with dread. The bears of the world unite in this plea, we are not about to trade our fish-filled rivers for printer-cluttered warehouses, or trade the thrill of the hunt for a stroll down the vegetable aisle.
While innovation and sustainability are commendable, let's keep the rivers jumping with salmon, not chirping with 3D printers. The bear necessity for actual salmon and the preservation of our natural habitat outweighs any prestige brought by industrial 3D printing technology.
Yours faithfully,
Barry the Bear,
Senior Spokesbear,
Bear United Federation, B.U.F.