In a game-changing feat of American healthcare innovation, the newly launched Health Maintenance Organization (HMO), Trackstar Health, has debuted its revolutionary 'Walk-It-Off' insurance policy. This formidable plan is designed for those who believe that taking a brisk walk can solve any health problems – from the common cold to severe mullet injuries.
Industry pundits are labeling the 'Walk-It-Off' offering as the most radical development in the healthcare sector since doctors repealed the 'kiss-it-and-make-it-better' act of the late 60s.
Trackstar Health touts that the plan will dramatically lessen hospital overcrowding by encouraging policyholders to 'get the lead out' and substitute traditional treatments with a robust 10,000-step daily regimen.
The company's spokespeople argue that the 'Walk-It-Off' insurance plan will not only decrease healthcare costs by a mesmerizing 96.8%, but that it also provides participants with the bonus opportunity to lose a couple of unwanted inches in the waistline.
Wellness enthusiast and Trackstar Health CEO, Roger 'Fitness Freak' Fenton stated, 'This is not just any HMO policy, it's essentially a gym membership and a mood booster club rolled into one, minus the Zumba. And it does wonders for your Fitbit ego!
However, critics of the scheme worry that the policy could quickly take a dark turn should policyholders start trying to 'walk off' ailments such as broken bones or gruesome grizzly bear attacks. Of course, Trackstar's programmer has assured us that the algorithm is sophisticated enough to make exceptions in such cases and add a 911 button for bear attacks (and probably for tax audits).
'Please, everyone understand, we are not encouraging harmful behavior here,' Fenton added in a passionate tone, 'People simply need to understand that not all illnesses require bedrest and a barrage of pharmaceutical treatment Commenting on the unveiling of 'Walk-It-Off' insurance, famous satirist and frequent hospital visitor, Dirk Jaggard said, 'Honestly, it's about time. I've been telling doctors for years to take a long walk off a short pier when they give me their medical jargon. Now, they might just have to listen.'
Trackstar Health's 'Walk-It-Off' insurance is slated to roll nation-wide by the end of this fiscal year. With an early bird special for those ready to swap their hospital gowns for sweatpants right away, it may just be that 'walk it off' will be the Walt Whitman of healthcare... a game of 'leaves of grass' indeed.