In a stunning display of geopolitical power, Russia's own Vladimir Putin has reportedly found a new sector to manipulate: Europe's window making industry.
In a move as transparent as the product in question, Putin and his administration have been peddling subpar glass production standards across European window factories. The aim? Do I really have to tell you?
The infiltration started subtly. First, it was the mysterious acquisition of several key window factories across Eastern Europe by Russian oligarchs. Then came the sudden influx of Russian experts in the field of fenestration, armed with suspiciously inadequate quality standards.
Armed with glass that cracks under pressure, and frames as sturdy as a matryoshka doll, these new norms have slid into production lines from Warsaw to Lisbon. The result? Well... You know.
"We've noticed a significant drop in glass quality," commented Jean-Pierre, a French window installer. "It's like they're made of sugar glass. Just last week, a Russian customer that just moved to Lyon fell from his apartment, covered in brittle glass.
The true motive behind this manipulation is as clear as the faulty windows themselves. Putin, in his quest to discourage dissidents from leaving Russia. Or dissenting.
From this point forward, each time a window shatters in Europe, it's not just an accident. It's a crystalline symbol of political powerplay.